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Thread: The Michael Owen Sales Brochure

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    Hassan TPAH's Avatar
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    The Michael Owen Sales Brochure

    for those who dont know about it... http://www.skysports.com/story/0,195...378892,00.html

    ----------------------
    A unique opportunity has come up for a club to purchase one of the hottest properties in English football.


    After a wildly successful time at Newcastle United Michael feels that there is simply nothing more for him to accomplish there. It is with a heavy heart that he leaves behind the wonderful people of the North East, but he wants Newcastle United fans to know that they will always have a place in his bank account.


    But Michael is the sort of player who is always looking forward, not back - while acknowledging that his past in the game makes a compelling case for purchase.


    Michael's ideal destination would be a club with Champions League football, a six-figure weekly basic wage, a five-year deal and also the moon on a stick and a threesome with Scarlett Johansson and a young Isabella Rossellini.


    However, Michael is prepared to compromise and will settle for a four-year deal.


    Michael has never been afraid to take on a new challenge, like when he left Liverpool in search of a Champions League medal. That move was a massive monetary success.


    At international level, from such highs as scoring against Argentina in World Cup 1998 to many other highs too numerous to mention here, Michael is one of England's greatest-ever strikers.


    Away from the pitch, Michael loves to travel and has homes in Dubai, where he loves to play golf, Barbados, where he loves to play golf, and of course Cheshire, where he loves to play golf.


    Michael has good conversational Spanish from his days at Real Madrid and has mastered the following phrases:


    * Excúseme que sea ése es mi espacio en el banco (Excuse me, you are sitting in my space on the bench)

    * Hay una pista caballo-que compite con cerca aquí? (Is there a horseracing track near here?)

    * Ow! Pienso que es mi rodilla (Ow! I think it's my knee)


    And literally several more.


    Michael's image rights alone could be worth hundreds of thousands to the successful club, and - unlike some other North East properties currently on the market - Michael has never served time for assault. This makes him almost unique among current footballers and the commercial value of a player not in jail should never be underestimated.


    Michael is also an accomplished film and television actor, capable of playing age 13 to 21 years old (will provide own stick-on beard). His work on 'A Question Of Sport' has been called 'a powerful, visceral display that bludgeons the viewer into submission and possible coma', while his astonishing appearance as 'Michael Owen' in the hit film 'Goal II: Living The Dream' has been described as 'one of the most complete Method portrayals of modern cinema'.


    Michael can play the following ranges: keen footballer, sensible footballer, boy-next-door footballer, hospital patient.


    Interest is sure to be extremely high in this proven talent, and interested parties are advised to tender bids without delay, especially given Michael's very slight difficulties with injury.

  2. #2
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    diegomessi's Avatar
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    i do not understand how he fell so faar.... he used to be amazing
    "I pass and I move, I help you, I look for you, I stop, I raise my head, I look and, above all, I open up the pitch...The one who has the ball, is the master of the game...That's the school of Joan Vilà, of Albert Benaiges, of Johan Cruijff, of Pep Guardiola" - Xavi Hernandez

    !!Visca Barça!! !!Visca Catalunya!!

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    He left to join Madrid that's what happened.
    "Its not about the long ball or the short ball, its about the right ball."
    Bob Paisley.

  4. #4
    whip1879
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    He sounds desperate now, can't say I blame him when you see the team he plays for.

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    i try to convince my dad to buy him for the local team.....
    "I pass and I move, I help you, I look for you, I stop, I raise my head, I look and, above all, I open up the pitch...The one who has the ball, is the master of the game...That's the school of Joan Vilà, of Albert Benaiges, of Johan Cruijff, of Pep Guardiola" - Xavi Hernandez

    !!Visca Barça!! !!Visca Catalunya!!

  6. #6
    whip1879
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    Quote Originally Posted by diegomessi View Post
    i try to convince my dad to buy him for the local team.....
    Your Dad could do better.

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    jajajajajajaja
    "I pass and I move, I help you, I look for you, I stop, I raise my head, I look and, above all, I open up the pitch...The one who has the ball, is the master of the game...That's the school of Joan Vilà, of Albert Benaiges, of Johan Cruijff, of Pep Guardiola" - Xavi Hernandez

    !!Visca Barça!! !!Visca Catalunya!!

  8. #8
    Red Devil
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    Owen was all about speed and once that went that was it he was finished .

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  10. #10
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    hehe..Doesnt have a ounce of loyalty for all the time NU put up(along with paying 1.2K per week) when he was injured..douche :P

    Now i think City(Everton?) might be his only chance !! He has lost quite a bit of the one gr8 asset he had ..pace..Has a very average(poor?) touch as well!
    "If you understand football you make substitutions during the game, if you don't you make comments after it." ~~ Stoichkov

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    Haha omg that was so funny.
    Its sad.
    I don't even think the MLS will take him.
    THAT is bad

  12. #12
    Red Devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheMessiShow View Post
    Haha omg that was so funny.
    Its sad.
    I don't even think the MLS will take him.
    THAT is bad
    Owen would make any major league team he isnt that bad jesus.

  13. #13
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    Should never have left Liverpool, silly boy. His career has been downhill since then.


    God doesn't pick football teams but if he did.... they'd probably look like this

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    Much down to him being injured all the time..

  15. #15
    Visca el filòsof!
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    His management team are a bunch of idiots, anybody with half a brain could see from miles away that this would be a PR disaster.
    Quote Originally Posted by Joan Laporta
    Barça make Ballon d'Or winners, others have to buy them
    VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UK'S BEST OFFICIAL SUPPORTERS' CLUB
    www.penyaunionblaugrana.co.uk