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Thread: 25 steps to become a football hipster

  1. #1
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    25 steps to become a football hipster

    Add your own to the list


    1. Get a zany football shirt. Not a St Pauli one as they’ve become too mainstream. This year the shirt to have is Real Oviedo’s (preferably Abel Xavier era one). It will show you’re in the know and care about the little guy and that you follow Sid Lowe.


    2. Do not under any circumstances miss the Guardian’s Football Weekly with James Richardson. From now on; you worship James Richardson. If anyone asks why, get misty eyed, stare into the distance and recall him “years back” on Channel Four holding up La Gazzetta dello Sport. Say it’s one of the enduring images of your childhood.


    3. Tell people you were into the Zonal Marking back when it was Mantoman.com.


    4. Buy Inverting The Pyramid. Read it cover to cover. Take shorthand notes to remember important terms like catenaccio, trequartista and Volante.


    5. Inform everyone around you that Spain are playing with a false nine and yet, in your opinion, also a true ten. Allow yourself a smirk.


    6. Set up a twitter account with a clever obscure football handle. For example: @JavierClementefirstsaidtikitaka


    7. Consistently pour scorn on the Premier League. Say it’s the Hawaii Five-O to the Bundisliga’s The Wire. Say it has utterly lost the art of defending and that the perfect game ends 0-0.


    8. Your favourite Barcelona player is no longer Messi. It's Busquets. Claim Michael Carrick is Manchester United’s most important player and that Andrea Pirlo should have won the Ballon D’or.


    9. Hype up South American derbies like they are the biggest games in the world. Tell the world you cannot believe people are looking forward to Super Sunday on Sky when it’s only six hours until River and Boca play.


    10. Have your telly run on Sky all day. SkyItalia that is.


    11. Say Revista de La Liga has lost something since they sacked Mark Bolton.


    12. Actively root for Luís André de Pina Cabral e Villas-Boas and always, always refer to him as Luís André de Pina Cabral e Villas-Boas.


    13. At all times defend Zlatan Ibrahimovic. This is only tricky when talking about his time at Barcelona as he comes into direct conflict with fellow hipster God Pep Guardiola. In this instance, defend Zlatan’s record, cite his scoring and assist record but also cite that perhaps he was too much of an individual in the ultimate collective and that Pep needed to free Messi.


    14. Adore everything about Borussia Dortmund. Visit the Westfalenstadion. Rename you cat Klopp.


    15. Set up a blog. Write 4000 word pieces on how Falcao scores and stuff. Tweet every football journalist on twitter and ask for a RT.


    16. Scrabble Blaszczykowski


    17. Whenever England play ALWAYS say Kyle Walker should be playing at right back no matter what.


    18. Assert that this Barcelona team is decent but nowhere near as good as Sacchi's Milan.


    19. Only discuss Newcastle United en francais.


    20. Forget CBs and DMs, we need Volantes, Trequartistas, Liberos and Registas. All hail the number 6


    21 Pay a fortune for a Norwegian satellite feed to follow the progress of Molde.


    22. Set up an African Cup of Nations twitter list for the duration of the tournament.


    23. Wake up every morning and remember the great Yugoslav team that never was.


    24. Only ever pronounce team names in the language of the country they're from so it's Reeeber y Boca in the Bombanerrrrrrro, Pareee-san-jyrmah and Ireland's Euro 88 game was in Ghel-sin-kirssshhhhhhh-en.

  2. #2
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    Where did you copy it from? I remember seeing a similar one months back...

  3. #3
    You're not even a real journalism
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    That's 24

    Reminds me of Metaphysical

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    Quote Originally Posted by PearLBLacK View Post
    Where did you copy it from? I remember seeing a similar one months back...


    I like the idea of adding our own.....


    25. Proclaim the Garrincha is Brazil's true greatest player, not Pele.
    Last edited by Irish_Cules; 17th April 2013 at 08:48 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PearLBLacK View Post
    Where did you copy it from? I remember seeing a similar one months back...
    A thread on a Liverpool forum.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Irish_Cules View Post
    Ye I posted it in the Pep thread a while back



    I like the idea of adding our own.....


    25. Proclaim the Garrincha is Brazil's true greatest player, not Pele.
    That's not hip, that's fact.

  7. #7
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    Yeah, I remember some of these from the other thread, I do a couple of them oh dear

  8. #8
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    It's a funny list and yet we've seen it here with some self-righteous kids who started following football few years ago.

  9. #9
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    True, some of them, while funny to see in a list, are annoying to see when actually put to use. The ones I do aren't that bad though.

    - I do have a couple "obscure" football shirts (I guess a Catalunya NT shirt would be considered obscure in the wider frame of things, considering how damn long it took me to find one. I also have a Palermo top from like 10 seasons ago lol)

    - The pronunciation thing I do, if I'm familiar with how to pronounce things in that language.

    -And I watch all my Serie A streams on Sky Italia if it's available (but I wouldn't call it a hipster thing, it's more about me trying to actually learn the language.)

    Wait, if I say I'm not a hipster, does that in fact make me a hipster? Or does realizing this fact mean I'm just trying too hard and am not? :cesc:

  10. #10
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    All started with the intellectual movement of football years ago. Good thing on the one hand side, as more reason / good literature comes with it. The impact of americans on the game will be felt as well (statistics driven analysis of the game). On the other hand side, it's kind of funny when actually not so well educated people who hardly can articulate themselves are playing the game, and the educated ones who can't play it try to make it "their own" by adding the intellectual layer on top of it don't know if I made my point understandable though...

    By the way, add:

    Quoting bill shankly "I fell in love wih football as I was later to fall in love with women..." You know the rest
    A genius, a virtuoso of a kind never seen before, playing with an orchestra that harmonizes perfectly together. That's Messi and FC Barcelona. (2011)

  11. #11
    mitkoa7x
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    I remembered the Xavi vs Pirlo poll

    lelz were had